I would not have thought of writing a tribute to the dead if I have not seen the unofficial two thousand naira note posted by a friend on face book. The creative note has on it the picture of the late Nigerian president Yaradua and the Nigerian pop singer, the late CEO Dagrin.
My avaricious nature threw me off balance on seeing what looks like a two hundred naira note but with an additional zero written behind the normal two zeroes that are universally accepted to come with anything hundred. Thinking that I will win this unofficial note, I came up with a tribute for the dead regardless of how the dead will feel.
Long before now, I am always afraid the dead will strike back when I speaks ill of them. Thanks to PHCN, the Nigerian electric power company, they made my fear real by switching on and off the light without warning. This makes me think every time that the dead are at work and will scare me with the light as I see in scary movies. Right now, the note is on my mind and not the ghost. So here is my short note to the dead.
Hello Dead ones,
You have just set a record of fulfilling the most feared characteristics of a living thing. Something I do not want to do right now. It is only pathetic to know that the CEO skipped reproduction before death.He refused to deposit his gonad hormone into the museum of continuity. CEO, do not be scared, we have a lot of people here who will not waste their talent in reproduction. Be rest assured. Please go to Fela's self-contain and make collaboration with him. The music must enlighten the global dead about our roads and the danger of plying it. Let them know that we, the living youth especially the hustlers among us, are only lucky in getting extra grace from God, if not we will have been there with them.
My Late President, relate with dead Nigerians out there. Grant them amnesty so that they can have a second chance to truly show the global dead that talents waste in the country you once ruled. I know you are not used to taking orders since you became the president in 2007.It is protocol and not you that made that happened and that was evident in the last few days you spent with us here in the land of the living. They transported you from Saudi back home without your orders. They made you take their orders somehow .Please tell your brother and his SDP friend about this.
One other thing I want you to tell them is the utterance of a man who feels he is too old among the living Nigerians. He said the youth have nothing to offer and yet they offer him peace. Can you please in your humble position request him to see you for a cup of tea? Oh...i remember there is one more thing I really want you to hold on to. The people who ordered six thousand policemen to guide a judgment did not find it deem to do the same for you when you came back from Saudi. Maybe they feel the living has more to spend than the sick who believe too much in the rule of law...I wouldn't know.
Make sure you ask Pa T.M Aluko to proof read your speech before delivering your welcome speech. My reason is clear, if you give it to a journalist, he won't elaborate it. He is used to writing in a small limited space and you won't be able to express your annoyance but writers will embelish every thought of yours with suitable figure of speech. He is used to expanding one sentence into a whole book. So take your time and do not bother responding to this note. There is no psychic here that can receive or read that which you will like to say. Just keep it till the day when every man will respond to the trumpet. A day every man will explain their role concerning your death. That day will be sooner or later. On that day, every man will account for himself and Pa Aluko will be glad to have titled a book that will be similar to the title of the day.ONE MAN,ONE DEATH AND ONE JUDGEMENT.
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